It’s a common misconception that San Francisco is the gay Mecca, but smart queers know Oakland is really where it’s at. We’re here, we’re queer, we’re taking over this beautiful city. You already know The Top 5 Ways to Meet Queers in Oakland, now here are the top seven gayest things about Oakland. Why seven? Well, everyone knows seven is the gayest number, duh (no one knows that).
1. All the Gays
As I’ve pointed out before, Oakland has the highest concentration of lesbian couples per capita in the entire United States. You can’t walk a block without running into a cute queer. Try not to actually run into them, unless you’re into that sort of thing.
2. The Haircuts
Everyone knows queers have the best haircuts, especially in the Bay Area. Check out one of Oakland’s many fabulous hairstylists if you need a new ‘do, like the best hairdresser in Oakland, in my humble opinion. Whether your coif is asymmetrical, fade, short, long, purple, or some variation of all this awesome, I know you’re looking cute and queer. Send me a selfie!
3. The Weather
It’s all sunshiney and happy like the gays. Yeah, you thought sunshine was for everyone and that humans and plants need it to survive, but it’s actually just for us homos. Little known fact: sunshine is even gayer than rainbows.
4. The Armpit Hair
This at least applies to the queer women, since many of the gay men are smooth and hairless. And more power to them, but I love my armpit hair. I had a moment today where I realized it was time to trim my wild armpit hair a little. Trimming time always comes so quickly, you know? You know.
5. The White Horse Inn
Not only is it the oldest gay bar in the country, it is consistently packed with the queers. You can smell the gay on Telegraph from at least five blocks away. And it smells delicious, like most gays.
6. The Dance Parties
San Francisco’s got nothing on our beloved Oaktown when it comes to gay dance parties. From Hella Gay to Ships in the Night, you have plenty of opportunities to dance with cute homos on a Saturday night.
7. Wear Your Voice Mag
This magazine isn’t explicitly or specifically gay, but I write for it and I am gay for days, so that makes WYV gay by association, which is the second best kind of gay.