My sexual accessibility has never been up to me, and this was a crucial and painful epiphany to have. Content Warning: this essay mentions depression and instances of sexual coercion. It's not that I haven't been celibate before. As someone who
Incels' misogyny goes beyond everyday sexism.TW: This essay contains discussion of sexual violence and gendered violence against women. It also contains passages from men who express extremely abusive, dehumanizing, and violent misogynistic beliefs. Incel - (n.) involuntary celibate or involuntary celibacy The incel community is a monstrosity far worse than “nice guys” and those who lament about being trapped in the mythical “friend zone.” Incels not only believe that they are entitled to sex and relationships with women, but they also blame women for their loneliness and want to punish us for it. In short, they are misogynistic extremists. This extremism existed long before the likes of Elliot Rodger, the Santa Barbara shooter who murdered six people before dying by suicide because he was angry about being a virgin. While we might think of Rodger as the most well-known incel, I believe that men like him have even more infamous and even more degrading ancestral kin. Believe it or not, the term incel was coined by a woman named Alana. She created the term in the early 1990s during her time as a undergraduate student as a way to talk about her own inability to connect with people romantically as she was exploring her sexual and romantic orientations and coming into her queer identity. However, her vision became twisted when the website that she set up became populated by men who were “prone to antagonistic, repetitive complaining,” and then became even further perverted by redditors like Elliot Rodger once they got a hold of it a few years ago. They had finally found a word to attach to their already festering hatred towards women, society, and themselves because of their perpetual singlehood and lack of sexual experience. Being single is hard for a lot of people. It's now even classified as a disability by the World Health Organization. The difficulty of singlehood is not only due to the assumptions that people immediately make about your character, but is also due to lack of touch and emotional support. In male-female relationships, romantic, familial, or otherwise, the brunt of the emotional labor falls onto women because gender cultivation indoctrinates men into a kind of masculinity that forbids emotional intelligence on their part. Therefore, they rely on the women in their lives to provide the emotional support that all humans need to foster emotional, mental, and physical well-being.