10   +   5   =  

I am currently single, but if I had a sweet thang I would like some sort of acknowledgement of this day. And by acknowledgement, I don’t mean texting me “happy valentines day”.

Do I want some flowers and chocolate? No. I would like something that won’t be dead or consumed quickly. Just maybe, when I see this long-lasting gift, I’ll think of you everytime I see it and you just might get lucky more often.

5 Valentine’s Day Gifts That Will Get You Laid AND Last All Year Round 

1. There is something so sexy about vinyl.

No, not this kind…

vinyl gloves

This kind.

sexy vinyl

Check out Econo Jam Records on Telegraph Ave., Oakland and pick her up something classic and sexy. Throbbing Gristle? Marvin Gaye? Dance with your lady in the middle of your living room with a bottle of Glenlivet.


2. Girls like beer too. Duh. This week is Beer Week everywhere! 1. Drink from sun up ’til sun down. 2. Imagine all the hot sex awaiting both of you at home. 3. Stagger home and fall asleep drunkenly in each others arms on the living room floor.

the end is beer

**Imperial IPA Extravaganza!!**

Ben n’ Nick’s Bar

Saturday, February 14th, 2015. 11:30 AM-11:30 PM

**Where the Buffalo Roam: Colorado Takeover**

Diving Dog Brewhouse

Saturday, February 14th, 2015. 5:00 PM-10:00 PM

**Local Brewer’s Showcase**

The Good Hop Bottle Shop

Saturday, February 14th, 2015. 12:00 PM-8:00 PM

**Japan Beer Fest with Umami Mart & Abura Ya**

The Trappist

Saturday, February 14th, 2015. 12:00 PM-6:00 PM

3. Your lady been working hard? Looking a little rough ’round the edges? You know how you always hear these songs about financially independent ladies having such a great guy who takes them to get their nails done and their hair did? Well, that would be nice in REAL life please? Treat your lady to a facial, a massage, a pedicure or hair appointment!

lady gaga no eyebrows2

Ummmmm, this is a sign fellas. Things are overdue!

MIO Spa & Salon always gets glowing reviews and keeps its loyal clients for years. Locations on Grand Ave. and Thornhill Dr. (Montclair).

Tootsies Boutique on College Ave. has shoes your lady would love AND offers a decadent pedicure service on the weekend. Make sure to call in advance for openings. **Can’t afford a pedicure for you lady? Ever thought about giving her one yourself? Easy, breezy five-step pedicure. She will sing your praises to all of her friends and even your mom. Score.**


4. Whether your other half was born in Oakland or moved here and decided to make it home, grab one of the “Puttin’ Down Roots” original Oakland sweatshirts, tees or tanks from Old School Copes.

_STL8367 DBooty-4825












5. Hopefully this cake won’t last 365 days, but if she’s got a sweet tooth, Ladyfingers Bakery on Santa Clara Ave. has everything both of your hearts desire.DD-Ladyfingers It’s a win-win. Feed each other some cake. Wrestle. Smear some of thAt frosting on a few choice places. Bada bing bada boom.

Buona fortuna mi amici.