3 Hilarious Do’s and Don’ts for Halloween Hookups
Halloween is one of the most joyous times of all years. Children and adults get to be anything, or anyone, they want.
This totally extends to the bedroom and wherever else two or more consenting adults may find themselves. Here are some key things to keep in mind if you’re hooking up on this spookiest of holidays:
1. It’s Halloween. Keep it interesting.
If you’re usually a pretty vanilla person, take advantage of the fact that you and your partner (regular or potential) are already in costume. Have fun with it.
“I had sex with a guy who was dressed as a priest. On a 50 yard line.” –EV
“I was dressed up as Nina the dead hooker of the downtown Old Towne Pizza building: big hair, white slip, white faux fur coat, blood. Everything. He was dressed as a cop. Duh. He asked for my ID. I told him he was a murderer pig. He was wearing a mask. I woke up the next morning in his bed, still with handcuffs on, staring at a life-sized cutout of Homer Simpson draped with my slip. I freed myself, got dressed, walked to Lloyd Center Mall and peed in the sink of the Macy’s bathroom ’cause all the stalls were empty and locked. Showed up late to my web design midterm — still covered in fake blood. Got an A.” –NR
“I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween because my parents are very religious. When I was fifteen, I lied about having to go to an event for community hours, so they let me go. I dressed up as a fairy and wore pride socks and a pride shirt. Some girl was dressed as a fairy, too, so I was like, “you’re even sparklier than your wings,” and she looked at my shirt. It turns out it was a girl I knew from bible camp! After about three bad fairy puns later, we made out in a supply closet. Praise!” –ME
2. Don’t be a dick.
It may be tempting to go along with a fantasy, but when it comes down to it, denying someone the full truth is a violation of consent — and some lies are worse than others.
“I was a Shot in The Dark. My roommate took me to a house party where I didn’t know a single person aside from him. FUN! First person that instantly got my costume was dressed as Maverick from Top Gun. He was, and still remains, one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met. Only problem was, he approached me as I was imitating an Australian. We kissed and ended up hooking up for a couple of weeks, but I had to keep up the accent and it was super annoying. Same night I met a mailman near the end of the night, we made out hard, and were each other’s fillers for the next four years.” –AG
3. Remember: it’s not the “Walk of Shame,” it’s a “Victory Lap.”
Don’t let anyone slut-shame you. It doesn’t matter if you have slept with 1 or 100 people — or none, for that matter. It is no one’s right to make you feel poorly about your decisions.
“Back in 2009, I decided to dress up as M.I.A. I wore metallic leggings, an oversized graphic tee, bright pink lipstick, blue eyeliner and thick gold hoop earrings. I went to my friends’ party and one of my crushes was there. He pretty much ignored me and was too high to talk to. I left after the bands played, but still wanted to party. Other friends of mine were having another party a little further out, so me and my crew decided to go. The party was at my long term crush/long term friend’s house and when we got there, everyone besides him was up. I decided I was going to jump on his bed to scare him. Whatever, we hooked up. So I’m walking home the next day (Nov. 1) in my M.I.A. costume and pass a cafe. As I pass the cafe I hear a women loudly whisper, “OMG, that girl is totally a sex worker” (they actually used a slur tho). I turned around (they were white) and laughed at them. Like really, it is the day after Halloween! Also so what if I was a sex worker! It’s no “OMG” matter.” –SI
4. Don’t forget consent.
On a more serious note, always check in with your partner about consent. Something that felt great a few minutes ago might be triggering them in some way, which they may not know how to put to words. These things happen even with the most emotionally intimate of partners, but a casual hookup can be a totally different story — they may, conversely, be easier for some folks to handle if emotional intimacy is a trigger for them. Either way, the key to keeping sex fun and safe is consent!
“It was the first time (our son) went trick-or-treating without us. B and I were sad to see him leave with his cousins, but relieved to have a night to ourselves. We’re finally alone and decide to get drunk and he’s hinting at me wanting to use my vibrator on him. Before our son was born, B was much more sexually adventurous and into pegging. I assumed that’s what he meant. When I went to insert it, I caught him by surprise. He hit the the bedpost and nearly gave himself a concussion! I felt terrible about it and we haven’t done anal since.” –JM
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