NAILS. Damnit. I’ve skirted the subject for far too long and it’s just not been fair to you all. My nail biting is worse now than it ever has been and it’s just not as fun talking about pretty nails when mine are hideous. Sooo selfish. The production of Pride & Prejudice that I’m in (shameless plug for Shady Shakespeare’s lovely production of Pride & Prejudice) is coming close to a close…which means, I’ll have more opportunities to get into my Anti-Nail Biting Routine. This routine has been honed and perfected by myself and former nail biter/long time BFF, Madge (it worked for her and now her hands are beautiful).

Here’s the routine (that’s worked for me, all you other nail biters desperate for a plan…and it makes for a killer at home manicure):

  1. Push back cuticles. Trim.
  2. Clip of jagged edges (ew, but the painful truth) and file to even out.
  3. Two coats of OPI Nail Envy.
  4. Paint those nails BLACK (two coats). Reasons. One, because it’s a pretty unappetizing color. Two, because it highlights just how short your nails are and will embarrass you into breaking the habit.
  5. Anti-Chip + Shine + quick dry top coat.
  6. Dip finger tips in ice water for three minutes on each hand (dries ’em up PEW PEW PEW, holla at my impatient ladies).
  7. Massage cuticles with Bag Balm or cuticle oil/cream.

Works like a charm. For a period of time. Until I inevitably start biting again. Hopefully, y’all have better luck.

Let’s talk my favorite shades of polish. Nail biters, this is only for after you’ve earned your way past the all black stage. If you’re still in that stage, my favorite black is Sally Hansen Lacquer Shine Nail Color in 07 Lustrous.

Sally Hansen Lacquer Shine in Lustrous

Sally Hansen Lacquer Shine in Lustrous

My favorite red is by this eco-friendly and cruelty free brand called Kure Bazaar. The colors are highly pigmented and the formula is, apparently, up to 85% natural. The shade is Cherie, it’s beautiful and basically looks like blood. And, c’mon, who doesn’t want…blood on their hands. Boooooooooooooo.

Kure Bazaar in Cherie.

Kure Bazaar in Cherie.

My favorite nude is OPI Tickle Me France-y  (how do I land the “punny polish namer” gig at OPI?).

OPI in Tickle Me France-y

OPI in Tickle Me France-y

These shades are all just awesome. As you can see, I’m not much of a pink girl (I’ll save that for another article). In this group there’s a deeep green Essie called Stylenomics, and awesome OPI brownish/slate-ish shade called You Don’t Know Jacques!, and a shimmery mellow purple by Essie called Sable Collar.

Essie Sylenomics, OPI You Don't Know Jacques!, and Essie Sable Collar.

Essie Sylenomics, OPI You Don’t Know Jacques!, and Essie Sable Collar.

Nail biters,

Good luck to you.


The girl who bit her nails the entire time she was writing this article.

(This isn’t going to be easy)