Let’s talk about sex, dear queers. If you took Sex Ed in school, you probably only learned about how straight folks have safer sex. As usual, we queers have to make our own rules. Here’s how you can protect yourself and your partner(s). (Not to be a downer, but do remember that STIs like herpes and HPV can still be transmitted even with condoms/gloves/dental dams, which is why we now say “safer sex” instead of “safe sex.”)
Knowledge is power, dear queers. Find out about each other’s sexual health and needs. Have you both been tested recently? Any STDs you need to know about? Are you monogamous/non-monogamous? What are your hard limits in bed? Soft limits? Triggers? What turns them on? What turns them off? When you come prepared (get it?) and are able to communicate your sexual needs, you’re able to have hotter, safer, more satisfying sex.
2. To fluid bond or not to fluid bond?
Fluid bonding is exactly what it sounds like: sharing bodily fluids with someone. Often, non-monogamous partners will be fluid-bonded with their primary partners but not with secondary partners. Whether or not you want to be fluid-bonded with your partner(s) is a personal decision borne out of communication and risk assessment.
Believe it or not, using gloves can be hot. They’re especially useful for new, non-fluided bonded partners or if you have multiple partners. I’ve also discovered that they’re great for camping. No one wants dirt-caked fingers inside of them, so make sure you always have some gloves around for camping, backpacking, hikes, etc. Gloves are also great when someone is menstruating, if you forgot to cut your nails, have a cut on your finger/hand, or if you have long and/or polished nails. And don’t forget anal play! Gloves keep poop off your hands while still allowing you to enjoy the all the wonders of the butt. Gloves may seem weird at first but they can be totally sexy and can also feel really, really good.
4. Condoms (Yes, condoms)
Condoms aren’t just for people with penises! They’re great for dildos, too. Use a condom if you’re sharing a dildo with new/multiple partners. Condoms are also great when you are about to get down and realize you need to wash your dildo. Instead of interrupting the mood, just throw a condom on it and get to having fun. Make sure you use a new condom if you switch from vaginal to anal sex, or vice versa.
5. Dental Dams
For those who don’t know, a dental dam is a square of latex that is placed over the vulva or anus as a barrier for oral sex. They are called “dental dams” because they were originally designed for dentists to place over a patient’s mouth while working on their teeth. Dental dams are controversial in the queer world, at least in my circle of friends, because many folks don’t want a barrier between their mouths and a delicious vulva. I have personally never used them, which is irresponsible of me, but I just can’t get down with licking latex. But do as I say, not as I do, and try for yourself. If you’re not fluid-bonded and you still want to go down on someone, dental dams are the ticket.