60s Does 20s Fully Fringed Flapper Dress $68, Fringy 3/4 sleeve dress $48


Got Fringe? Flap much? Well, you should! I used to be completely convinced that I was a flapper in a past life, and when I tell this to people, they say, “I can see that”, so it must be true. I know, I know, The Great Gatsby made flappin’ too trendy, and Boardwalk Empire doesn’t help, either. That’s no excuse. Strap on your thigh flask, put your pistol in your purse and a feather in your hair, get your fringe on, and Charleston your saucy little ass on over to the Grand Tavern for some prohibition era cocktails, already!


White with Black Jumpsuit $36


Wearing this jumpsuit tells the world, “I am fucking awesome!” There’s an endless list of activities that would match this outfit, but I would recommend roller skating around Lake Merritt, passing out lollypops and spraying PDA lovers with silly string, singing ‘Jive Talkin’. Or, you can lose the lollies and silly string, and just shoot ’em all with your finger guns.


Halston One-Shoulder Dress? $98


So…a little disclaimer; I’m pretty sure this slinky, royal blue number is a dress, but there’s a possibility it’s a jumpsuit. Here’s what I do know, and it’s really all you need to know: it’s Halston. Thanks to Sister Sledge, I know that Halston is what the greatest dancer wore at Studio 54, and this jumpsuit/dress will make you the greatest dancer in all of Oakland (or at least, your mirror).  It’s safe to say, this little slice of disco history has seen its fair share of cocaine and ludes, so save your cocktail dollars and slip on this contact high!


Multi-Color Reptile Wedges $275


Speaking of Sister Sledge, the lyrics go, “Halston, Gucci, Fiorucci” (not Dee-a-rucci, like I’ve been singing for the last twenty years), and these Gucci heels are perfect for pondering what exactly it is that makes that sexpot on the floor the greatest dancer. AND, since they’re wedges, you can slither up next to him on the dance floor to show him what’s up.


Pleated One-Shoulder Grecian Goddess Dress With Belt $48


Early on in my relationship with B_ (which I’ll get back to writing articles about pronto), he made some joke while we were waking up about me feeding him grapes. So, I put on a grecian goddess dress, went to market, and bought grapes, cherries, champagne, and freshly-squeezed OJ. When I got home, I busted out my peacock feather fan and got to work on feeding him cherries, because he wasn’t in the mood for grapes right then. My dress filled the grecian goddess bill, but it pales in comparison to this dress. Go to Mercy, buy the dress, go to market, buy the fruit and mimosa fixin’s, go home, find your peacock feather fan, go to sleep, and prepare to pamper your honey like the God or Goddess s/he is. Trust me.