If You’re A Feminist In Love With A Trump Supporter, You’re No Ally
One writer asked if she’s a “bad feminist” for falling in love with a Trump supporter. No. You’re not a feminist at all.
Sex. Religion. Politics.
One — maybe two — questions about any of these topics hold enough dynamite to ruin a great dinner date or explode a budding romance with even the most amazing person. Unless you’re the type that takes the whole “opposites attract” dating counsel completely to heart, like this writer.
I mean, sure. A night owl can be drawn to an early bird. A vegan can find a happily-ever-after with an omnivore.
But, a feminist “fall[ing] in love” with a Trump supporter? Come on, now.
“Brexit, Trump and every other political movement people seem to dislike, he aligns with,” she explains. “I’m a feminist, so we don’t exactly make the perfect match.”
Or so one would think. Not for our writer, who spends the next seven paragraphs attempting to clarify this conundrum.
He makes “sexist jokes” she says, even offending her bisexual friend during their first, awkward meet and greet. But it’s not a deal breaker. She simply complains away his behavior under her breath.
He’s a “teenage Thatcherite,” she observes. But it’s not a deal-breaker. Instead, she confesses her fascination with this characteristic of his political beliefs.
Her family is “baffled” (yet respectful) of her choice. This, too, isn’t a deal-breaker but prompts her to emphasize the “actual human person” buried beneath the sexist jokes, austerity politics and Thatcher poster.
She subsumes all the moving parts of her rationale under a one-word umbrella — “interesting.” And the fact that she finds his political viewpoints interesting, and vice versa, makes for an amazing, tempestuous and un-boring relationship.
Listen, when it comes to finding love and companionship, I’m all for ensuring that this intimate space is packed with excitement and thrill. But, not — never — at the expense of a person’s politics.
I’m sure most of you have heard of the mantra “The personal is always political,” right? As cliche as it may sound, that doesn’t make any less veracious.
While it may be fun, possibly amusing, to debate a love interest about the extremes of their politics, fun goes out the door when it comes time to talk policy and how a specific set of policies — conservative, liberal or radical — would impact the everyday lives of people within and outside the bubble of a romantic partnership.
Margaret Thatcher was a monster who, along with her American counterpart Ronald Reagan, demolished the lives of poor and working-class people.
President Donald Trump is looking to repeat this history. And judging by his actions so far, he’s succeeding.
There’s nothing “interesting” about Thatcher’s tenure as Britain’s Prime Minister, where she mounted ceaseless attacks on worker unions and educational equity for British citizens.
There’s nothing “interesting” about Donald Trump wanting to continue that legacy. And, there’s definitely nothing — absolutely nothing — interesting about someone who supports this view of the world, least of all a potential love interest. A better, more accurate description of such an individual would include words like “frustrating,” “sad,” “dangerous,” or “turn-off.”
But that’s white feminism for you. And this writer, who comes off as the quintessential white feminist, appears to treat the feminist practices and values that she claims to harbor so much respect for as a mere way-station, a pit stop, something to fill the radical void until she transitions into responsible adulthood.
Either that, or she’s blatantly aware that it’s tradition for white feminism to be squeamish and hypocritical in the face of difficult challenge and accountability, that feminist subjects are matters which one dabbles in, from a non-committal standpoint, at cocktail parties. This species of feminist practice leaves wiggle room for irreconcilable contradictions, such as patriarchy and women’s rights, and is incapable of taking itself seriously.
Thus, allow me to answer the question she posed to her readers at the conclusion of her piece.
“Am I a bad feminist for dating him?” she asked. “A failed ally to my LGBT friends?”
No. You’re NOT a feminist. And you’re certainly not an ally.[adsense1]