Tamara Asks Oakland: Do You Need To Be Friends With Your Partner On Social Media?
Featured Photo Credit: Flickr user Mike Licht via Creative Commons
I recently witnessed the uncomfortable disintegration of a marriage on FB and then watched one of those people date and remarry. All on FB. This is someone I’ve only actually met and spoken to once in real life.i
I’ve witnessed someone constantly change their relationship status over and OVER and OVER with each new paramour. There should be a relationship status called “Keeping hope alive” or “We’ll see!” SMH.
I caught up with some town folk at Betti Ono’s event for International Women’s Day and headed on down to Oakland First Fridays where I met a host of people and had some interesting conversations. Zef, a 21 year old young man, from West Oakland, contributed this week’s question on relationships and social media. I’ve got my own opinion about this, but I’ll let you know at the end. Let me ask Oakland first…
TRUE OR FALSE? You need to be friends with your partner on Social Media.
William and Abigail have been married for nine years. Abigail says “He is not on social media. Keeps out of unnecessary drama and I like it that way.”
A couple I ran into on the street (prefers to remain anonymous) said that they actually met on Twitter! They are big fans of being very involved in each others social media.
Anna, 27 says, “No, I don’t need to be their friend. It depends on the individual relationship because social media can just become an extension of any trust issues that already exist in the relationship.” True that Anna!
67 year old best friends Erwin and Michael say: “Young lady, we don’t mess with all that. We prefer real human interaction. You know a one-on-one connection? And by the way miss, you are juuuussstt…” Me: Uh, thanks very much fellas (as I walk away giving them the side eye).
Rachel, 40 says, “When I just start dating someone, I definitely don’t friend or follow them on social media. People can make a pre-formed conception of you based on those things before they actually get to know the real you.”
Monica 28 says: ” My boyfriend and I are friends on social media, but I choose not to follow him. We have opposing political beliefs.” So true Monica! A topic for another week for sure.
What Tamara says: Absofuckinlutely we are friending, following, sharing. I want the option to see whats going on in your world and you are able to see mine as well. Why not? We don’t need to be altering statuses and posting single-strand spaghetti slurping pics and tagging ourselves in inappropriate places. Should people know that I exist, yes. Do I need to be of a significant presence on his FB , no.
I’ve once asked someone I was dating to follow each other on Instagram and received the briefest moment of hesitation before he said “sure.” My “No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency” skills went on full alert and after probing a bit was told he didn’t want me to get upset because of the things that other women tag him in OR the stuff that he “likes”. Say what now? I experienced a full on Mary Poppins out of body experience where I saw myself whacking him upside his shady-ass-head and then propelling off with my umbrella to a magical place full of men with honest intentions.
Bottom line, I must respect a man who provides me with a valid reason as to why he does not want us to connect on social media. To each their own! He just won’t be my man.
WYV writer Sonya Mann weighs in on whether it’s cool to share your partner’s personal info online.
Let us know what you think below 🙂 and stay tuned for next week’s “TAMARA ASKS OAKLAND”.