Welcome to #AskCam, a column where sex and intersectionality are not divided but welcomed together.Dear Cam, How do I go on dates with other cuties when I don't even have time to go on dates with my wife? When any "taking time" feels more like "stealing time", how the hell do you prioritize? -Not Enough Time
Dear Not Enough Time (NET), First of all, I want to say, thank you for writing in about this. This may not be the sexiest topic, but it's SO important to talk about. This sounds like the classic dilemma that more folks encounter than you realize, monogamous or not. We have a lot to deal with during the day: there's school, work, commuting, social media'ing, catching up with friends, family drama, sickness that can sneak up on you, aging and shifting relationships. All of this impacts the way that we prioritize and schedule our day. It seems like you definitely already have a lot on your plate, NET. I think the first thing to do is to be clear about what you would like to do and what you are capable of doing. If we all had unlimited time, energy, and resources, there's so much that we would be able to get accomplished. But there are so many barriers that make that impossible for many of us, and that's okay. We have to be honest with ourselves about what our own boundaries, limitations, and desires are. I would consider writing down exactly what your priorities are: what absolutely needs to be attended to, in the moment, no matter what? What are things you would like to make more time for? Where are your openings for time to realistically fit those things in without overextending yourself?
Welcome to #AskCam, a column where sex and intersectionality are not divided but welcomed together.Dear Cam, I'm seeing polyamory and non-monogamy hyped up a lot in media, and it seems awesome, but how do I know it's for me? Growing up, I only ever saw relationships being between two people, but I've never felt ~quite~ right about that fitting my life, especially as a POC. Help? -So Many Options So Many Options, Non-monogamy is having a moment here, it seems like media has finally caught wind that heterosexual, monogamous relationships aren't the only valuable ways to create relationships and show love with other people. But if you're new to non-monogamy, it can definitely be overwhelming to figure out where you lie. To do this topic justice, this is going to be the first of a mini-series on non-monogamy. Here I'm just going to break down the basics of what exactly non-monogamy is and how you know if it's right for you. Non-monogamy, as I'm using it here, is referring to a variety of relationship structures. Many of us grew up only knowing about one relationship style, monogamy, and seeing that as the ideal. In traditional monogamy, we're presented with a two-person relationship style (usually these people are heterosexual, able-bodied, neurotypical) where the goal is to be married, have children, and raise a family together. There's nothing at all wrong with this structure, but it's presented as a one-size-fits-all model that everyone should fit into, and that simply isn't reasonable.
Welcome to #AskCam, a column where sex and intersectionality are not divided but welcomed together. Dear Cam, Am I a bad Black person for being in a relationship with someone who's white? I feel like with everything going on in the world, it's
Welcome to #AskCam, a column where sex and intersectionality are not divided but welcomed together.Dear Cam, I've always been a sexual person, but I haven't been dating in the last few months because of life – school, work, family, that kind of thing. Because of this, I've been unintentionally celibate for a few months, and sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. Is celibacy still valid even when you don't plan for it or have a super deep meaning, like for religion, attached? -Accidentally Celibate Accidentally Celibate, Celibacy doesn't often get enough love in the sex education world, but sex positivity means empowering everyone to make the best choices for themselves by providing information on everything. And if other sexual acts can be pleasurable and valid, why can't celibacy? For those who are unfamiliar, celibacy has a variety of definitions, but it's best known for being interpreted as the abstaining from sexual activity. Google dictionary defines it as "the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations", but that seems very detached from how we regard other forms of sexual expression in our lives. Where sexual activity is often connected with other parts of our lives, celibacy is too often seen as separate, disconnected, and "less than". It's a looked down upon choice because the norm in our society is that everyone should want to and be able to have sex. That simply isn't true.
Welcome to #AskCam, a column where sex and intersectionality are not divided but welcomed together.Cam, I'm interested to hear your thoughts on manifesting and channeling your sexuality in a positive way. How to own your own sexuality and confidence without succumbing to extremes? -Spiritually Sensual Spiritually Sensual, This question got me really excited with its complexity. Firstly, it's important to understand exactly where your sexuality is coming from? These are questions that you can write down and figure out through journaling, meditating, or talking to a trusted person in your life (to yourself works as well) but some places to get started:
- When you think of your sexuality, what comes to mind?
- Do you associate mostly positive or negative emotions to it - and how do you want to be feeling about it?
- What areas of your sexuality do you want to change? What areas do you want to celebrate?