Miss Rona is definitely been driving celebrity white women to be, ahem, more unhinged than usual. Lana Del Rey (aka Karen Del Rey, or Elizabecky) is no different.
So, let’s get one thing straight. White women have been white women-ning since the beginning of time. Karens—which include white women and other non-Black women—have historically done the absolute most. And I’m sure that’s not gonna change anytime soon.
But I will say that Miss Rona is definitely been driving celebrity white women to be, ahem, more unhinged than usual.
There have been many cases of this in the last couple of weeks, but the latest example of such involves one Elizabeth Woolridge Grant. Whom… many of you will know as Lana Del Rey. AKA Elizabeth, Aka Karen Del Rey. And this all started with her posting a weird, ill-advised, anti-Black, and fairly (and internally) misogynistic rant on Instagram including other musical artists in the business: Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Doja Cat, Kehlani, and Cardi B (with a sprinkle of Camila Cabello and Ariana Grande, presumably to seem less racist—though, to be honest, I would not be surprised if she thought the last two were in fact a non-white women as others have speculated).
At around 1:00am on Thursday morning. During quarantine where sleep alludes all and time is not real. Like a goofy bitch.
That said, there are layers upon layers to Karen Del Rey’s rant. Dogwhistles up and down that bitch. And I’m sure some folx will come up with well-crafted thinkpieces to parse them all. But… this will not be one of them.
So, I present to you 17 rough translations from Ms. Elizabeth’s IG rant:
1. Phrase: “Question for the culture”
Rough Translation: “Listen up, niggers!” (or, if you prefer, “Nakers.”)
2. Phrase: “Now that Doja Cat,
Ariana, [and] Camila, Cardi B, Kehlani, and Nicki Minaj, and Beyoncé—”
Rough Translation: “There are too many niggers on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. I don’t like that shit!”
3. Phrase: “Now that
Doja Cat, Ariana, [and] Camila, Cardi B, Kehlani, and Nicki Minaj, and Beyoncé—”
Rough Translation: “Let me add these two bitches so I don’t seem so racist. And let me conveniently forget that I definitely collaborated with one of them for a movie that rhymes with Bharlie’s Bangles.
4. Phrase: “Now that Doja Cat,
Ariana, Camila, Cardi B, [and] Kehlani, and Nicki Minaj, and Beyoncé—”
Rough Translation: “These bitches just got here! How dare they be experiencing what I believe to be more success than me, a white woman???!”
5. Phrase: “—have number ones with songs about being, sexy, wearing no clothes, fucking, cheating etc—”
6. Phrase: “ —can I please go back to singing about being embodied, feeling beautiful by being in love even if the relationship is not perfect, or dancing for money – or whatever I want -without being crucified or saying that I’m glamorizing abuse??????”
– These sad, sad-ass, whispery songs that I’m whining about not getting to sing or being criticized for singing is something Lorde (in the past) and arguably Billie Eilish (presently) have found success doing. I’m just not gutsy enough to reference them as well, because then my argument might fall apart.
– I don’t know musical history well enough to know that countless Black women AND white women have sung about the very things I am shaming and (AND complaining about not getting to sing); so really I don’t understand what the fuck I’m even saying here.
– I…too am oppressed.
7. Phrase: “I’m fed up with female writers and alt singers saying that I glamorize abuse when in reality I’m just a glamorous person….”
8. Phrase: “…singing about the realities of what we are all now seeing are very prevalent emotionally abusive relationships all over the world…”
Rough Translations: “I am not even the first white person to sing about these things in history, but I, again, will act like I am. Now enjoy this tantrum!”
9. Phrase: “With all of the topics women are finally allowed to explore…”
Rough Translation: Forgive me y’all, but this one is just too easy.
10. Phrase: “I just want to say over the last ten years I think it’s pathetic that my minor lyrical exploration detailing my sometimes submissive or passive roles in my relationships has often made people say I’ve set women back hundreds of years.”
Rough Translation: “I, again, am the only woman in history who has been dragged for talking openly about such vulnerable things. The one. The ONLY one.”
11. Phrase: “Let this be clear, I’m not a feminist -but there has to be a place in feminism for women who look and act like me -”
– EYE don’t really support other women like that, but you better support me or otherwise you hate women and that’s not okay, now is it???
– EYE, the standard for women in Western society in particular, am not properly being supported by this current wave of feminism. So, therefore, feminism is cancelled.
– [Unintelligible Screaming]
12. Phrase: “ – the kind of woman who says no but men hear yes- the kind of women who are slated mercilessly for being their authentic, delicate selves, The kind of women who get their own stories and voices taken away from them by stronger women or by men who hate women.”
Rough Translation: …So like every other woman in the history of history, basically.
13. Phrase: “…delicate selves”
Rough Translation: “In case you forget, let me remind you that I am a white woman!”
14. Phrase: “…I just want to say it’s been a long 10 years of bullshit reviews up until recently and I’ve learned a lot from them…”
Rough Translation: “Pitchfork once gave me a less than glowing review and I still haven’t recovered.”
15. Phrase: “…but I also feel it really paved the way for other women to stop ‘putting on a happy face’ and just to be able to say whatever the hell they want in their music-”
Rough Translations: I…am at a loss for words here. Because I KNOW that Elizabeth is not implying that people can now be vulnerable about the hardships of women and toxic relationships because of her, right? I assume she would not be so asinine to suggest such, right? Particularly in regards to people like Nicki and Beyoncé, RIGHT?
16. Phrase: “…unlike my experience where I even expressed a note of sadness in my first two records I was deemed literally hysterical as though it was literally the 1920s”
Rough Translations: Hard to say, but someone should really talk to homegirl about her obsession with pre-Jim Crow and Jim Crow America. I’m just saying.
17. Phrase: “Anyways none of this has anything to do about much but”
– Nothing means anything.
– I probably shouldn’t have typed and word-vomited all this around the peculiar hour of one in the morning for the entire world to see in the middle of a pandemic where everyone has at least of smidgen of extra time to protest. And yet.
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