oral-sex-wear-your-voice-article

The vagina is a splendor thing. Without it, you would not be here. However, without the clitoris, you might not be here, either.  Your mom may not have been as DTF, and then where the hell would you be?  Not every owner of a vagina loves clitoral stimulation, but those of us who do are typically BIG fans.  As a bisexual woman, there were quite a few things that I truly wish I had known before going down on a woman for the first time.  Since most of these articles are written by men who do not have clitorises, I felt that this would be a great opportunity to talk, clitoris-owner to clitoris-lover, or those who are hoping to become one.

Don’t be shy, baby queers and bi-curious folks – we all start somewhere. I grew up sneaking porn with my one of my besties. She was my first actual kiss, and we practiced kissing on one other so that we would be prepared for boys. Truth be told, I was way more into it than I let on, and suggested that we go further. Unfortunately for this baby queer, she was not as open-minded, and I would have to wait another several years (and quite a few boys and, ew, grown men) until the opportunity presented itself with a woman.  Still, I remember her older sister busting us for watching her dad’s fake lesbian pornos and having to come up with an excuse for it.  I just kind of sat there in shock, horror, and laughter – half in shock of being caught, half trying to figure out how they could possibly plunge those long, painted claws into each other’s vaginas without harm.

In case you have never seen a vulva other than your own, save yourself the neck ache of leaning over and spreading. Here is a a labeled diagram of a white, shaven vulva. Here’s a drawn diagram, featuring the interior. I tried finding more straight forward images, but beyond this things start getting hella porny.

Before we go any further, make sure your body is in good health and not carrying any STDs. Lesbians having sex with other lesbians may be at the lowest risk of STDs, but that does not mean that their other partners identify as such and have sex with similarly identified folks.

Related: How To Give Good Dick (Without Being One)

1. First off, sex isn’t sex without consent

Make sure the two of you are on the same page and want the same thing. You should check in multiple times with your new partner. If you are unsure about whether or not it is okay to kiss them, ASK. Once you have permission, you can start thinking about the heavier stuff. Oral sex isn’t nearly as exciting, literally and figuratively, without a hot, lengthy makeout session. Before you even think to take off their undergarments, you should spend time kissing and exploring their bodies. This experience is new to you, so relish it. Make them feel wanted. Start with the neck and kiss their backs and tummies before you even get their bra (if they wear one) off.

2. Once the bra is off, you should focus on the exterior of the breast before you even get to the nipples.

Fondle, caress, lick, and gently squeeze. As you move onto the nipples, be gentle. Listen for moans and non-verbal body cues like arching of the spine and raising the pelvis. Some women like their nipples to be bitten and sucked. I used to, but as I have gotten older, mine have surprisingly gained sensitivity. Indeed, it can be too much of a good thing.  Spend a lot of time on her, both for her benefit and yours.  It takes a lot less time to get a person off who is incredibly aroused than someone who has not had the mood set for them.  I run into this issue much less with women than I do with men, especially cis-men.  It’s unfortunate, because it has to make penis-penetrative sex better for them, as well.

3. You should definitely be taking the kisses, caresses, and licks downward with you.

Do not even think of touching any part of your partner’s vagina with dry fingers or lips. Remember your diagram: Outer labia/lips, inner labia/lips, vaginal entry toward the bottom, clitoris and its external hood to the top. All parts should have your attention. If you are so inclined (as well as your partner), there is also the ass to consider. For now, consider that a lovely area to grasp on to when you are really getting into things. You’re a beginner – take it easy on yourself and focus on learning one new thing at a time.

4.  Make out with it.

Breathe through your nose, otherwise, you may accidentally blow a raspberry on her vulva.  I say this from an awkward experience. Keep your lips close to the labia and kiss it, drag your tongue over it, and then use more pressure and force. Slip your tongue inside, along with a finger or two.  Make a beckoning motion with a finger or two if they like being penetrated.  Your partner will let you know if it is okay to put more in there.  Beyond three fingers, and we’re talking another article altogether.

5. Give attention to all parts.

Every part – outer and inner labia, vagina, clitoral hood, clitoris – should be licked, kissed, and made to feel warm, wet, and wanted. Long, flat licks work really well on me because they cover so much area. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings whereas the penis has around 4,000. Keep that in mind before you spend too much time on it, unless you are directed to do so.  The clit is also a lot like a tiny little penis, so if you have ever gone down on one, it’s not much different.  As it swells, you can see that the little button is like the head of a penis, and is at the tip of a shaft. That small shaft needs to be stimulated, as well, either orally or with your fingers.  Rub up and down with your mouth and/or fingers while stimulating the tip (or not the tip, depending on how much stimulation your partner can handle).

6. Don’t struggle in silence.

If you are confused, ask what your partner likes. For those reading this that are on the receiving end, make sure you are telling your partner when they are doing a good job or when they’re doing something that you are not fond of.  They’re not a mind reader though they should be able to catch non-verbal cues.  Make it easy on both of you by telling them when something feels incredible.

7. Keep going.

Just keep doing it, dude!  It might take a while, or you may have one of those magical folks who gets off right away.  You may also have a partner who has multiple orgasms.  You will get tired.  If you need a break, use the flat part of your tongue and do the wide, long laps from bottom to top.  Conversely, you can bite your tongue to use your neck muscles rather than your tongue muscles.  It creates a firm tongue that you can drag all over the place.  This has been especially effective for me when really going at it once we’ve gotten to the brink of orgasm.

8.  Once the inner thighs start trembling, DO NOT GET CREATIVE. 

I REPEAT, DO NOT GET CREATIVE.  Fuck your artistic flourish, this is not your moment.  This is theirs.  Just keep doing what you were doing to get your partner there, and be with them the whole way.

And with that, you have just given your first oral orgasm.  Well done, my friend.  Here’s to many, many more!

Featured Image: Flickr user Sarah Scicluna via Creative Commons

 

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