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Bay Area (and internationally renowned) sex shop Good Vibrations first started National Masturbation Month in the ’90s to fight the negative stigma around masturbation. It was a direct result of Surgeon General Dr. Jocelyn Elders’ firing, which came after she suggested masturbation should be part of youth sex-education programs.

… because, clearly, it’s better for kids to get each other pregnant than to learn effective ways to snap one off.

Some things do not need captions.

They chose “the merry, merry month of May” because of its pagan link to sex and sexual awakening, as well as its lovely alliterative effective. Nothing like a mnemonic to remind you to buy a new vibrator, right? We can’t all have million-dollar pussies like Gwyneth Paltrow, but there’s something for everyone at Good Vibrations if you’re tired of the good ol’ fashioned solo rub down.

Good Vibrations offers some helpful links on how to choose a vibrator, dildo, how to ejaculate with a vagina, how to enjoy anal, and how to have sex with a male partner or anyone else who wants to be penetrated. Watch Margaret Cho and Violet Blue talk about “pegging” here. For a list of their customer favorites, check out these tried and true goodies.

So buy a new vibe, get a pizza and tell everyone else to fuck off while you do just that by yourself this weekend.

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