Donald and Melania Trump.

Photo by Boss Tweed. Creative Commons license.

Hot on the heels of the revelation that GOP presumptive presidential nominee Donald Trump’s wife, Melania Trump, stole paragraphs from a hardworking African American First Lady — affectionately referred to alternately as “The Black”, “My Black Person” or “My Black Friend” — Trump has decided to build a huge wall against Mrs. Trump.

Trump clarified that he had no inkling of knowledge whatsoever of his wife’s scheme but, in the minutes leading up to his wife’s big speech last night, he had grown “disturbed” by her body language.

“Something was going on there before she stepped to the podium,” he said, without specifying what that “something” is.

Related: Donald Trump is The Republican Nominee for President. How the Hell Did We Get Here?

Trump also stated that he’s not even fifteen or twenty-five percent sure if Mrs. Trump has actually been “naturalized” because he hasn’t actually seen her certificate of citizenship. He added that he is very concerned about the fact that Mrs. Trump believes his “adversary” is his “advisory” and that she’s taken to admitting to his face, on numerous public occasions, that she’s more handsome than he is. He’s also stated that her presence makes him look “too sane” for his or the KKK’s taste and that this observation vexes him a great deal because, no matter what, all he does is win, win, win at everything, including completely losing every cranial cell in his mind.

Finally, he stated that Mrs. Trump has never, not once in the entire time that they’ve been married, met the 50-times-per-day quota for telling him how wonderfully spectacular, feral and unduplicated a manly man he is.

He blames all of this on President Barack Obama. In response, the White House issued a one-sentence statement on the matter from the president, which said, “Mr. Trump and I are not as divided on these issues as what some people believe.”

In Trump’s view, the wall around his wife is the first step to making America great white again. The price tag of the massive project is expected to scale up to the hundreds of millions and Trump, being the savvy businessman he is, will stay on budget and keep costs low by using undocumented Mexican labor.

We reached out to Mrs. Trump for comment but haven’t received a response.

This story is developing.

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