It’s not often that an accessory is just as functional as it is fashionable. So it perplexes me that the watch isn’t more popular: essentially, it’s a bracelet that tells time. Beauty AND brains. In fact, remarkably like me! So you can see why watches and I are like this.
Because I can never resist throwing in some history, I’m going to take a moment to pour one out for the dearly departed pocket watch. Pocket watches used to run the world! They beat up all the other kids at recess and had great success with chicks. But no good thing can last forever, and by the 1930’s, they had dropped off in popularity. Today, they’re seen only in the pockets of committed steampunks and burners. Since then, it’s been all about the wristwatch: at certain points in the last few decades, there was one adorning just about every male wrist out there.
And I’m fed up watches remaining in the sphere of mens’ fashion. My beau complains that women have nearly infinite fashion possibilities compared to his paltry pants ‘n shirts combos, and I can’t deny that he’s right. However, in the spirit of “anything you can do I can do better,” I think it’s high time we ladies colonized the world of watches and added it to our style empire. Sorry, boo!
Watches are a serious business.
These days, though, not even dudes really bother. Phones have largely replaced watches, and I can’t say I approve of it. Or rather, I can’t say I understand it. Sure, you’re carrying it around anyway, but that doesn’t mean it’s just as good as a watch. Not by a long-shot! Instead of digging in your purse or tugging your slightly-too large iPhone 5 out of your cursedly small skinny-jeans’ pocket, what if all you had to do was elegantly flick your wrist slightly counterclockwise?
This one is my current stand-by, my gold and navy Old Faithful. I got it, as I get so many things, by visiting my parents and complimenting an accessory until my mother gives it to me. My sister thinks this is somehow unfair, but I’m just looking out for numero uno here. And I don’t feel ashamed.
Here’s another one that I like to think classes up my arm by at least 80%:
This next watch gives me shades of Art Deco, which I’m very much on board with. I scored this silver stunner at the White Elephant Sale
this year in Oakland; if you’ve never been, you truly MUST. You’ll LOVE it, darling. Treasures like this, for $14, lurk in every corner.
Ok, so you’re probably feeling a little intimidated by my watch collection right around now. Yes, I know: these watches are all very stunning and I have incredible taste. But sometimes I wanna get down. You know, to get jiggy with it! To throw off the shackles comprised of my reputation for class and timeless style. It’s very difficult to be thought of as the most debonair lady in the room, so when I want to remind everyone that I’m fun too, I wear this $5 watch that I won at bingo night:
Such is my terrible burden.
Is there such a thing as too irreverent and hip? It’s up to you to call that one, but when I wear this anti-chic watch, I feel pretty funky-fresh. I saw them in the San Francisco Japantown Mall, so if you’re not as great at bingo as I am, you can still get one!
Let me end with a confession, and a bit of a sad one: my favorite body part is my wrist. It’s the only part of me that has never given me strife, or made me wish it was bigger or smaller or thicker or thinner. Thanks, combined forces of unrealistic media expectations and internalized self-loathing! I’m learning to be chill with who I am, but in the meantime, I can lavish my lovely wrists in the way Goddess intended: with a watch for every day of the week.