Apparently, it’s super lame to leave the house with wet hair. And it shouldn’t be because, like, who the hell cares? But, since it is and since more than a couple people have suggested that I occasionally run a comb through my hair, I’ve had to figure out how to blow out my hair. Like a grownup. Unlike a grownup, though, I’m usually running late, so this is a serious cheater’s blowout.

Let’s begin now.

Want to get scornful glances from people? Stop here. This will achieve just that.

Want to get scornful glances from people? Stop here. This will achieve just that.

  1. I towel dry my hair, spray with heat protectant, and use Caviar’s CC Cream For Hair (it’s a 10-in-1 hair cream and it smells goddamn delicious).

    Internal monologue, "I hate this. This is the worst part of my beauty routine. Is it dry yet? Oh my GAAAHD."

    Internal monologue, “I hate this. This is the worst part of my beauty routine. Is it dry yet? Oh my GAAAHD.”

  2. Starting off the blowdrying process, I flip all my hair to one side and blowdry while finger combing my hair. Then I flip all my hair to the other side and do the same.

    I don't want to brag, but I'm actually blood related to Cousin It. That info gets me into a lot of parties.

    I don’t want to brag, but I’m actually blood related to Cousin It. That info gets me into a lot of parties.

  3. Then I go Cousin It, flip all my hair over and blowdry the under bits. At this point your hair should be close to all dry, but still a little damp in areas. You have to be careful not to over dry your hair. Hair don’t like that.

    This step is the biggest shortcut.

    This step is the biggest shortcut.

  4. K. Now part your hair where you like. Get a big ol’ round brush, section out chunks closest to your part, brush out the tangles, then blow dry down while rolling the brush. The blowdryer should point down and go with your hair. It’ll help keep you hair looking smooth.
  5. The last thing I do is gather up my hair on either side, brush under, then blowdry under.

    I've got the elementary school picture head lean DOWN.

    I’ve got the elementary school picture head lean DOWN.

THAT’S IT. TEN MINUTES. TEN MINUTES, I TELL YOU. And, okay, my flyaway game is strong, but a little Coconut Milk Anti-Breakage Serum will calm those right down…while making your hair smell delicious. You’ll get twice the hugs when you use it…because…you know, peeps just wanna smell that hair without making it super obvious.

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